You Had it Lucky
by aotearoan
Summary: We all know how Boromir felt about the constant threat to Gondor. But he wasn't the only fellowship member who left their home to face the forces of darkness... A parody, starring all the Fellowship


**Even Darker Darkness. **

Boromir was petulant. It wasn't fair. Nobody understood.

"You don't understand", he insisted. "Nobody does."

They looked at him, unimpressed.

"We have to deal with _Mordor_. At first hand. Practically." Boromir tried to pretend that a whine wasn't creeping into his voice, but it was, and it shamed him. But it was true: Gondor stood between Mordor and the rest of the free lands of the West of Middle Earth.

"We're like your bastion", he explained, trying to up the epic and lessen the angst by using one of Faramir's long words. "We are geographically next door to the greatest threat in the Third Age." This didn't get the impressed response he had hoped for.

"So?" said Aragorn.

"_So_, if you'll let me _finish_, the point I am making is that I alone really understand the loss and the- the _sacrifice_ required in fighting the Dark Lord. I have had to witness it, nay, experience it! All through my adult life, I have fought it!"

Boromir was getting passionate. He wished someone were writing this down.

"You see now why I may have been a little more… hasty… in my actions regarding the ring than anyone else? Too long have my people faced the threat of Sauron alone! Too long have we died to protect _your_ homes! Too long!"

"We have been under siege, my friends. And I have seen it. I have been a Captain of Gondor, marching into battle against that terrible foe of which none of you can wit!" Boromir wasn't sure about the word 'wit', so pressed on, emotion breaking in his voice.

"_That_ is where my doubts stem from. You leave your homes behind and march into darkness, it is true. But my home, my people, have been beset by darkness for long years. Do you not know what it is like to have darkness behind, as well as in front, threatening all I hold dear? I love Minas Tirth and its people. It is my _home_. I will not watch it fall. None of you could ever hope to understand!"

Boromir gazed at them all, passionately. There was silence. _That showed them_, Boromir thought.

"Bollocks."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Bollocks." the speaker was Aragorn. _Predictable_, thought Boromir. _I never liked him. _

"Would you care to explain?"

"You're not the only one whose faced the powers of darkness, my friend." Aragorn explained in his explaining-things-to-Boromir voice. It was like the voice he used to explain-things-to-the-Hobbits, but slightly more patronising. Boromir gnashed his teeth.

"I've spent my entire life guarding simple folk like these-" he waved a hand in the direction of the Hobbits, who collectively bristled. Sam muttered _simple folk! _and Merry was heard to say something about _a simple kick in the face_.

"My rangers live a hard life, always struggling against the Shadow. The wilderness is our only refuge, we have no fortified citadel. You had it lucky. We, too, have experienced loss and fear when facing the forces of Darkness."

That was true. Boromir had to concede that. "Anyway," Aragorn concluded triumphantly, "Minas Tirith is _my_ bloody city!"

"Not yet," Boromir growled, and Gandalf cast them both a warning look before the situation could deteriorate into a royal brawl.

"Fine. None of you- except _possibly_ Aragorn- could ever hope to understand the hardship and torment of having the Forces of Darkness practically in your backyard!"

"Er…" Legolas raised a hand. "Mirkwood, remember?"

"Oh, whatever. Your lot were probably too busy making daisy chains and eating spiders, or whatever it is you wood elves do, to notice." Gimli was quick to chime in with his own argument. "You had it lucky. We, however, didn't just have the forces of darkness camped in the same general region as us. We were driven out by them! Khazad-Dum, our ancient stronghold, engulfed by shadow and flame…"

"I would hardly call it 'engulfed'," Gandalf muttered under his breath. In a louder tone he added "Let us all agree we have faced tragedy and darkness, and let this commonality strengthen our will, and friendship between-"

"You brought that on yourselves," Aragorn said, louder still. "Exactly!" Legolas agreed.

Luckily, Gimli was too busy musing on past horrors to hear this. "And then, the dragon came and drove us out _again_. And now our homes in the Lonely Mountain and the Iron Hills are best on all sides by danger. Messengers from Sauron threaten us. The Battle of the Five Armies is not long past. Wargs and goblins marched upon us, at the very foot of our ancestral homes! Many dwarves and lakemen died that day-"

"What about us-" Legolas began, but Gandalf was trying again.

"Peace! Gimli, Aragorn, Boromir- can't you agree between yourselves that you share- "

"But all that's long past!" Boromir was getting really fed up now, so much so that he foolhardily interrupted Gandalf, and Legolas' feeble protests about always being forgotten did not even make him pause.

"Gondor is-"

"The Wild-"

"The Dragon-"

"Spiders as big as-"

"Terrible darkness-"

"Load of idiots-"

"Siege-"

A quiet chuckle broke through the growing hubbub. It was Frodo. They turned in time to catch him rolling his eyes at Sam, who snickered.

"Hear that, Merry?" Pippin sounded wryly amused at the commotion. "These poor warriors have to deal with spiders! And a _dragon_."

"Poor things." Merry continued. "My heart bleeds for them."

Sarcasm from Merry was not unusual, but the debaters gaped in confusion. "It was a _big_ dragon." Gimli added quickly, not sure why he was so defensive.

"A _big_ dragon. Oh, well, then. That explains it."

"Of course, to us," Sam said, "you're all big_._"

"The size of the foe increases if you are small", Frodo nodded sagely, inventing a suitable proverb on the spot. "Dear, dear. And I thought you were all so brave."

"Of course, in the Shire, we'd love to have a dragon or two. If only that was all we had to deal with." This was from Pippin.

Sam got a nostalgic look in his eyes. "Ha, a dragon! We would have been grateful for a bleedin' dragon. Remember the frost we had last August?"

The four warriors opened their mouths. They shut their mouths. They were experiencing consternation.

"Killed all your leeks, didn't it, Sam?" Frodo said. "But that's not even the worst of it…"

"The Shire has faced such darkness… darkness that would make Mirkwood look positively cosy." With this he cast an accusing look at Legolas, who felt ashamed without knowing why. "You had it lucky."

"Yeah, orcs would be a picnic compared to what we get in the Shire." Merry said. "We have some pretty nasty trees in the Old Forest. And a rather dangerous river."

"We get midges quite nearby," Pippin continued. "Mice. Rain. Hayfever."

"The Sackville-Baggins", Frodo added, and they all shuddered.

Aragorn felt he should stick up for his side of the argument. "Well, yes, but I fought a ringwraith and- "

"Angst-ridden childhoods… I got sent to bed early simply for setting quite a small part of the roof on fire." Merry interrupted him in a voice still pained by this recollection. Pippin patted his shoulder sympathetically.

"And who knows what could have happened without us there to keep an eye on things." said Sam. "Why… Lotho could be running the place by now. Saruman could be there!"

"Of course that's an exaggeration, but the point remains." Pippin said.

"Yes, well, that's all well and good…" Boromir began, mutinously, "But Gondor is so close to Sauron…"

"Oh please," Frodo said. "Don't come crying to us about Gondor again. We in the Shire had quite enough to deal with."

"And we only three foot six on average," said Sam.

"How could any of you ever hope to understand?" Pippin asked soulfully.

"I think you'll all agree that we in the Shire had it worse than any of you. You want sacrifice, constant terror and darkness, you ask a Hobbit what it's like to be chased by Farmer Maggot's dogs!" With that, Merry closed the argument, and the Hobbits went back to their own conversation, occasionally casting scornful looks in the others' direction.

The others were downcast. They felt beaten. They had no response.

"So the Hobbits had it hard." Boromir conceded. They all nodded.

"But I think it far to say that, the Shire excepted, Gondor faces darkness beyond that which you have seen…"


End file.
